Penguin Review: Schöfferhofer Kristalweizen

Winnie the Pooh loved his honey. How he loved to p*ss off those bees by sucking the hive dry. There’s a reason we all love Winnie – because we relate to the love of honey.

Schöfferhofer Kristallweizen is a standard Bavarian-style weissbier. It’s not made in Bavaria though (Frankfurt-am-Main) – expect some snobbery. It more than makes up for it with a practical 500mL mansized bottle.

The bouqeut is all honey, with hints flowers, coriander. Interestingly, there is no honey in this beer, a delightful balance of wheat and barley malts does the trick. It tastes tastes sweet and light, the malt blend is fantastic.

Go out – let your tastebud be fooled. The Pooh Bear inside you will love it.

Penguin Review: Whispering Hills 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon

Aahhhh. Yarra Valley Red. In a happy coincidence, the Yarra Valley near Melbourne is one of the closest wine growing regions to my homeland, Antarctica.

The folks over at Whispering Hills will boast that this drop has a ‘brilliant and deep red with crimson hue’. I think you’ll struggle to notice it. By struggle, I mean you won’t.

The nose, much like the taste is full of berries. It smells like blueberries and cinnamon.

On your palate, in addition to the blueberries, you taste blackberries and raspberries. To round it out, you’ll detect a hint of spiciness, probably nutmeg and allspice.

This 2005 Cab Sav is dry, but considering the berry/spice combo, not dry enough.

All things considered, it’s not bad. I picked up this bottle at the cellar door for about $25 a couple of years ago, and it drinks about there. It won’t knock your socks off (or in my case my tux), but it is a solid bottle for consumption with a heart beef dish.

Penguin Review: Bombay Sapphire London Dry Gin

So you want to make a martini? If you reach for the vodka, I’m going to slap you. And I’m a karate-penguin, so my slaps really hurt.

Vodka tastes like methylated spirits. And before you ask, yes I have tasted methylated spirits. Actually, vodka and water have a bit in common, the more you spend, the more it tastes like water.

I know Bond liked vodka, but he likes his martinis like he likes his women, trajic and pointless.

Do your sense of taste and style a favour. Put on some classy attire, dust off the martini glass and go and buy some gin. It has a taste. The fact that no-one drinks it anymore will make you look much classier than when you get out the imitation Finlandia.

I recommend Bombay as your gin of choice. Even in the bottle, it’s all class.

The aniseed is clear without triggering your gag reflex. Complemented with coriander, lemon, juniper, almond, with a bunch of other minor flavours you can read from the side of the bottle. A nice tingle touches off a fantasic drop of liqour.

Marry that with some dry vermouth (Cinzano is a good place to start). Use it sparingly, no more than 1/2 oz for every 2oz of gin. If you attune to the gin taste, take it down to an 1/8th.

Garnish with some lemon zest. Don’t ruin a good martini by making it salty – save the olives for when you you out of gin. Dirty martinis are for the unwashed hordes.

I think it was Winston Churchill who said that quickly glancing at a bottle of vermouth at a distance is more than enough for a good martini.

Your friends with taste will be impressed that they can, well, taste something, unlike a vodka martini.

Those that prefer vodka really shouldn’t your friends anyway.

Penguin Review: Penfolds Club Reserve Tawny Port

Have you ever seen something utterly fantastic, yet completely unsuited to it’s obvious use? Like a solid gold Monopoly set. Or a boat loaded with beer. I think I can add Penfolds Club Reserve Tawny port to the list.

Looking at it in the sipper, it is deep brown, a classic tawny in colour. Before you dive in, you might smell flowers, chocolate, and vanilla. Or you might smell nothing. And why not? When the flavour is dominated by honey and butterscotch, why not have some dainty sweet smells?

Also watch out for nutty tones and treacle. It’s certainly complex, even to the point of being bitter. But the bitter does work. It may irk you the first time, but the the way if starts so rich and finishes dry complements the slight bitter taste, which is gone by the finish.

To me, port, like most fortified wine, goes with dessert. Which is why Club Reserve really rubs me the wrong way. It is a great drop in its own right, but the overt complexity and dry finish don’t really gel with dessert for me.

Screw it – who needs an excuse. Drink it whenever ya feel like – it’s worth it. But then again, for $22+, you’d kinda expect that…

Penguin Review: Glenmorangie Quinta Ruban

It is often said that necessity is the mother of invention. I like to think that being a cheapskate is another source. The lads and lasses at Glenmorangie have mustered up some old unused port casks, gave it a few extra years of ageing, and voila! But does it work?

The nose is subtle, sporting unsurprisng port tovertones, given what Quinta Ruban is. Expect a slight touch of cinnamon, and something I recognise as freshly cut wood.

It will hit your lips with a punch. Be prepared for tawny port with citrus, complemented with a faint hint of peat smoke. Which is surprising in a sense, the deep amber colour implies a heavy, smoky taste. A light finish of chocolate and mint complements the receding port.

Not for everyone, but not a bad one for the collection. It lacks the delicate balance or the complex smoke usually found in an $80 bottle, but the port inflections certainly make this a refreshing change. Drink with dessert, something rich and creamy, not a great one for fruit.