What is it about change that scares environmentalists?

The environment has been changing. Not just in the past 20, or 50 years. 10 000 years ago, Planet Earth was in a deep ice age. 100 000 years ago it was warm. Grass didn’t exist 65 million years ago. Dinosaurs did. 4 billion years ago Earth didn’t even exist – it has just a cloud of particles swirling around a small protostar.

So what is so scary about climate change now? We feel guilty that it was us? Vast colonies of organisms have been changing the environment since the beginning of life. Why is it such a big deal that it *may* be us.

So we’ll probably lose a few tropical islands. And a few polar bears. In both cases there will be few extinctions. Malaria will spread a little further.

What about the positives? Opening the northwest passage would be a boon for international trade. Agriculture would surely boom with new arable areas and greater yields. That can pay for mosquito nets, while increasing the supply of food in Africa.

The fact is that the climate is not a static, unchanging portrait. It is a dynamic, everchanging, complex chemical reaction that we, and indeed everyone is a part of.

Stop being indignant about it – think of the positives and embrace the new world that change can bring.

G8 forge historic climate deal

Italy: G8 leaders have taken a bold, and provocative step in the fight against climate change.

Prime Minister Berlusconi delivered the news to the press gallery: ‘We have an in-principle consensus to reach an agreement to develop a draft memorandum of understanding to put forward a motion regarding our non-binding recommendation of an 80% reduction in greenhouse gases by 2050 to the Copenhagen summit.’

Prime Minister Rudd was elated ‘I think this is a big step forward for us. And, I’ll be dead by crunch time, so it doesn’t really bother me.’

The opposition were critical of the deal. ‘This deal doesn’t go not too far enough. Why can’t Rudd get a 120% reduction. This shows the incompetence of this government.’ preached Turnbull.

‘And 2050 is too soon’ he continued ‘business cannot absorb the shock of such a sudden introduction. We propose 3050 as appropriate timing.’

When asked if that was too late, Turnbull was proud that he ‘is not afraid to make the big decisions.’

Sex and the HMAS Success

Singapore: The RAN is in damage control regarding a <a href=”http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/07/05/2617202.htm?section=australia”>sex contest run by sailors</a> aboard HMAS Success. Sailors kept a ledger of sexual conquests and dollar values were assigned to locations and partners. More money was offered for fornicating with female officers and lesbians.

All and sundry are shocked and outraged by this occurance. Even Julia Gillard has piped up about the poor plight of women, and how this further disadvantages their fight for equality.

What a load of BS.

If you don’t want to be debased and humiliated by your colleauges and co-habitants, don’t have random casual sex with them. In fact, you shouldn’t be f..king them at all. Ever heard the saying don’t sh*t where you eat? These are the rules normal people live by – how stupid are you?

The other argument is that poor defenseless females are being preyed upon and manipulated by powerful males. Despite what the bra-burning parade will tell you, women enjoy equal if not superior rights than men in almost all large corporations. Banks, governments,technology and even manufacturing firms have formal and public policies of affirmative action – also known as discrimination – to further the cause of women. And defense is no different. If they felt harrassed, there are plenty of avenues that could’ve ruined the career of an immature male who oversteps the line.

It’s very immature that a bunch of men would have a contest like this. They should be embarrassed and ashamed – I’m sure at least some of them have wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers and kids. But this sort of immaturity is endemic in underdeveloped adults, be it in defense, sport, or in the real world. It does not qualify as harrassment. In the same way that consensual sex is not rape.

The whole incident is hardly surprising. Put a bunch of underdeveloped young men and women in a confined place with little outside contact for months on end, and what do you think will happed? Of course they will bonk each other stupid. Of course they will make silly bets. Hardly a stretch to combine the two – seen Cruel Intentions?

The media was always going to eat this up – it has sex, young people, defense personell and ‘poor defenseless victims’, but the real story is why is this a story at all? Are women that defend Australia trying to say they are too gullible and naive to take control of their own lives and responsibility for their actions? Is this the sort of character that makes a good sailor – or much more scary – officer?

If you really want to further the cause of women, instead of crying that you are too stupid to protect yourself from disgusting pranks why don’t you close your legs, and do your job of defending the country.

In Other News: Dog mauls endangered penguins

Sydney: Eight endangered fairy penguins have been cruelly attacked by a dog on Sydey’s Northern Beaches. Four have died from the attack.

Local volunteers are said to be shocked by brutal attack.

‘I can’t believe that a dog could do this. These beautiful penguins are completely defenseless, and the dog showed no mercy. How could it be so heartless? It is such a devastating loss.’ wept Laurie Hart.

Greenpeace spokesperson Ari Gant is appalled ‘that an animal could possibly eat another animal. It is just unnatural. I mean, what to dogs think they are, animals?’

PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, are pushing for changes to the law. They say that dogs should be tried as adults, and also be eligible for the death penalty (sic).

The actual reporting of this incident highlights two major bombshells about nature that are sure to shock any greenie:
1. Even endangered animals die sometime after they are born, like all living things,
2. That animals eat other animals (ever heard of the food chain?).

In other news, scientists have discovered that it is darker at night than during the day.

How Michael Jackson changed my life – or didn’t

Michael ‘Cuckoo’ Jackson has passed, and left this world. Presumably one that matches the fantasy world he lived in.

It’s great so many people were touched by his music, his life, and in some cases by his hands or other extremities.

But seriously – holding a vigil for a dead guy completely misses the point of a vigil. And if I see one more person break down in tears babbling that ‘he was my friend’ or ‘he changed my life’ I’m going to penguin roundhouse them in the head.

You didn’t know him. You aren’t related to him. You never met him. He never felt you up at Neverland with his monkey. At best, you saw him at a great distance in a packed out concert. Save the emotional breakdown for the genuine friends and family. Aside from recorded music and interviews, he was never in your life at all. So really, nothing changed on Thursday. You will still hear his bullsh*t songs, and see his creepy videos, and hear his puncy voice.

Get a life. If you must publicly mourn something, why not mourn intelligence and common sense, something that seems to have died long ago.