Penguin Review: Schöfferhofer Kristalweizen

Winnie the Pooh loved his honey. How he loved to p*ss off those bees by sucking the hive dry. There’s a reason we all love Winnie – because we relate to the love of honey.

Schöfferhofer Kristallweizen is a standard Bavarian-style weissbier. It’s not made in Bavaria though (Frankfurt-am-Main) – expect some snobbery. It more than makes up for it with a practical 500mL mansized bottle.

The bouqeut is all honey, with hints flowers, coriander. Interestingly, there is no honey in this beer, a delightful balance of wheat and barley malts does the trick. It tastes tastes sweet and light, the malt blend is fantastic.

Go out – let your tastebud be fooled. The Pooh Bear inside you will love it.

Penguin Review: Whispering Hills 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon

Aahhhh. Yarra Valley Red. In a happy coincidence, the Yarra Valley near Melbourne is one of the closest wine growing regions to my homeland, Antarctica.

The folks over at Whispering Hills will boast that this drop has a ‘brilliant and deep red with crimson hue’. I think you’ll struggle to notice it. By struggle, I mean you won’t.

The nose, much like the taste is full of berries. It smells like blueberries and cinnamon.

On your palate, in addition to the blueberries, you taste blackberries and raspberries. To round it out, you’ll detect a hint of spiciness, probably nutmeg and allspice.

This 2005 Cab Sav is dry, but considering the berry/spice combo, not dry enough.

All things considered, it’s not bad. I picked up this bottle at the cellar door for about $25 a couple of years ago, and it drinks about there. It won’t knock your socks off (or in my case my tux), but it is a solid bottle for consumption with a heart beef dish.

Penguin Review: Bombay Sapphire London Dry Gin

So you want to make a martini? If you reach for the vodka, I’m going to slap you. And I’m a karate-penguin, so my slaps really hurt.

Vodka tastes like methylated spirits. And before you ask, yes I have tasted methylated spirits. Actually, vodka and water have a bit in common, the more you spend, the more it tastes like water.

I know Bond liked vodka, but he likes his martinis like he likes his women, trajic and pointless.

Do your sense of taste and style a favour. Put on some classy attire, dust off the martini glass and go and buy some gin. It has a taste. The fact that no-one drinks it anymore will make you look much classier than when you get out the imitation Finlandia.

I recommend Bombay as your gin of choice. Even in the bottle, it’s all class.

The aniseed is clear without triggering your gag reflex. Complemented with coriander, lemon, juniper, almond, with a bunch of other minor flavours you can read from the side of the bottle. A nice tingle touches off a fantasic drop of liqour.

Marry that with some dry vermouth (Cinzano is a good place to start). Use it sparingly, no more than 1/2 oz for every 2oz of gin. If you attune to the gin taste, take it down to an 1/8th.

Garnish with some lemon zest. Don’t ruin a good martini by making it salty – save the olives for when you you out of gin. Dirty martinis are for the unwashed hordes.

I think it was Winston Churchill who said that quickly glancing at a bottle of vermouth at a distance is more than enough for a good martini.

Your friends with taste will be impressed that they can, well, taste something, unlike a vodka martini.

Those that prefer vodka really shouldn’t your friends anyway.