In Other News: Jemaah Islamiyah strikes again

Jakarta: Western media has been rife with reports that JI has sent suicide bombers to detonate explosives in two western hotels in Indonesia on Friday. Bombs were detonated at the Ritz-Carlton, and the Mariott hotel in Jakarta, killing nine people, many of whom  were foreign nationals on business.

In other news, approximately 8,499, 991 people survived bomb blasts in Jakarta. It is said that up to 4,600 of these people were tourists or business visitors. Tourists who survived the night were shocked. ‘I can’t believe I survived. Do you know that only 99.99989% of people in Jakarta survive bombings like this? And tourists are at even greater risk. Did you know that 0.999994% of tourists are not killed each year in terrorist bombings in Jakarta? It is an outrage, and something must be done immediately to guarantee visitor safety’ said concerned traveller Whatta Nidiot.

John Howard was said to offer to come out of retirement to impose draconian laws on Australian citizens in order to prevent terrorist actions like this. Kevin Rudd has been quoted as telling Mr Howard to ‘get out of the limelight old man, this bombing is mine to milk for poltical capital. In desperate times like these, a congenial and diligent system of governance and legal cavalry is crucial to ensure the the outright prevention of, and indeed expulsion of the outlying prospect that a foreign national may come to some sort of bodily harm at any time during execution of their business itinery.’

The press gallery fell asleep during this speech, and were awoken only by Rudd’s billowing laughter that he himself had imposed draconian laws limits Australian citizens human rights and privacy while they were asleep listening to his incomprehensible babble.

When is everyone going to get it – you have to be exceptionally unlucky to be killed by a terrorist. More people win millions in lotteries than die in a terrorist bombing.

The terrorists win by striking irrational fear into the hearts of the masses. Crazy laws are passed, some people are given limitless power which they are very likely to abuse, and the rest have none. The terrorists are winning. And our media is complicit.

Subprime Aussie style – Part 1 – First Home Buyers Grant

What a time to be young. A first-home buyer in Victoria can pocket up to $40 000, just for buying a house. How could this be so?

The intent of the grant is to keep the great pyramid of owner-occupied housing afloat. You see, in Australia it is taken as verbatim fact that house prices always rise, and will always rise for eternity. This has been coupled with generous tax breaks for owner occupied housing, leading many pseudo-savvy ‘investors’ to tout that owning ones home is the best, and safest investment one can make. There are countless stories of people making hundreds of thousands of dollars playing with owner-occupied property, luring in the weak-minded with the kicker that the government collects no tax on your winnings.

There is just one problem. Housing is a zero-sum game. For elderly retirees to sell their houses at obscene prices, and spend their golden days blowing every penny, the market requires a supply of new money to pay these people off. While some of it comes from people upsizing their mortgages, most comes from new entrants to the market.

These new entrants are usually 20-somethings, with entry-level jobs and maybe alien parasite growing in the female.

For nearly a decade, the ponzi scheme went off without a hitch. In fact, few newcomers complained about housing prices at all. But as the grey cashed in their houses at ever increasing prices, entry level housing moved further, and further out of reach.

The market started to flatten. John ‘Devil’s altar boy’ Howard sense political revolt, and created perhaps one of the most politically devious schemes ever, the First Home Buyers Grant.

Everybody wins. First home buyers get the money. They give it to existing home owners. The merry-go-round keeps spinning.

What could possibly go wrong?

Was Palestine the best choice for Israel?

Why did the Jews choose Palestine to colonise and turn into their promised land of Israel?

Apart from the obvious – Jerusalem, it has nothing else going for it.

Their territory is tiny. All of their neighbours hate them, and do not acknowledge their statehood. There are no resources no fresh water, poor access to shipping lanes. It’s not suited to modern agriculture. Their neighbourly relations make them an enclave by land, with hostile enemies in all directions. They displaced a people that have since sworn avenge and war until their dying breath.

Why not choose somewhere with vast spaces far from their enemies? Take an otherwise wasted portion of the US. What about Canada, Australia, or an island or two in the Pacific. Hitler was hardly going to invade New Mexico, Yukon, Perth or Seychelles.

The fact is, that any moron could’ve seen that the Muslims would be upset about having their holy lands stolen by the Jews.

Their predicament is all their own making. And may never be solved.

G8 forge historic climate deal

Italy: G8 leaders have taken a bold, and provocative step in the fight against climate change.

Prime Minister Berlusconi delivered the news to the press gallery: ‘We have an in-principle consensus to reach an agreement to develop a draft memorandum of understanding to put forward a motion regarding our non-binding recommendation of an 80% reduction in greenhouse gases by 2050 to the Copenhagen summit.’

Prime Minister Rudd was elated ‘I think this is a big step forward for us. And, I’ll be dead by crunch time, so it doesn’t really bother me.’

The opposition were critical of the deal. ‘This deal doesn’t go not too far enough. Why can’t Rudd get a 120% reduction. This shows the incompetence of this government.’ preached Turnbull.

‘And 2050 is too soon’ he continued ‘business cannot absorb the shock of such a sudden introduction. We propose 3050 as appropriate timing.’

When asked if that was too late, Turnbull was proud that he ‘is not afraid to make the big decisions.’

Sex and the HMAS Success

Singapore: The RAN is in damage control regarding a <a href=”http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/07/05/2617202.htm?section=australia”>sex contest run by sailors</a> aboard HMAS Success. Sailors kept a ledger of sexual conquests and dollar values were assigned to locations and partners. More money was offered for fornicating with female officers and lesbians.

All and sundry are shocked and outraged by this occurance. Even Julia Gillard has piped up about the poor plight of women, and how this further disadvantages their fight for equality.

What a load of BS.

If you don’t want to be debased and humiliated by your colleauges and co-habitants, don’t have random casual sex with them. In fact, you shouldn’t be f..king them at all. Ever heard the saying don’t sh*t where you eat? These are the rules normal people live by – how stupid are you?

The other argument is that poor defenseless females are being preyed upon and manipulated by powerful males. Despite what the bra-burning parade will tell you, women enjoy equal if not superior rights than men in almost all large corporations. Banks, governments,technology and even manufacturing firms have formal and public policies of affirmative action – also known as discrimination – to further the cause of women. And defense is no different. If they felt harrassed, there are plenty of avenues that could’ve ruined the career of an immature male who oversteps the line.

It’s very immature that a bunch of men would have a contest like this. They should be embarrassed and ashamed – I’m sure at least some of them have wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers and kids. But this sort of immaturity is endemic in underdeveloped adults, be it in defense, sport, or in the real world. It does not qualify as harrassment. In the same way that consensual sex is not rape.

The whole incident is hardly surprising. Put a bunch of underdeveloped young men and women in a confined place with little outside contact for months on end, and what do you think will happed? Of course they will bonk each other stupid. Of course they will make silly bets. Hardly a stretch to combine the two – seen Cruel Intentions?

The media was always going to eat this up – it has sex, young people, defense personell and ‘poor defenseless victims’, but the real story is why is this a story at all? Are women that defend Australia trying to say they are too gullible and naive to take control of their own lives and responsibility for their actions? Is this the sort of character that makes a good sailor – or much more scary – officer?

If you really want to further the cause of women, instead of crying that you are too stupid to protect yourself from disgusting pranks why don’t you close your legs, and do your job of defending the country.

The Barabs and Shmisraelies, and a city called Booboosalum

I am going to tell you a fictional story about two historic peoples in the Middle East. Lets call the Shmisraelies and Barabs.

Both of these communities have a lot in common. They are have radical religious elements that marginalise modern society, and the role of women. Both very insular, and this insularity has lead a heightened level of insecurity that ‘the world is out to get them’. Both have been persecuted over the past century by people identifying themselves with the populous religion of Shmistianity, giving the demons of insecurity something to feed on.

The Barab and the Shmisraeli both started in biblical times, a fact which is hardly surprising because both religions are based on a bible of sorts (Borah, and Buran respectively)

Both the Barabs and the Shmisraelies have a holy city in common: Booboosalum. In fact, Booboosalum and the region surrounding it is not only the setting for the stories in the Borah and Boran, but the very promised land.

The Barabs are a people that have oft been persecuted. They lived in many lands, with various empire, kings, presidents persecuting them for most of modern history. Governments have hunted, tortured and systemically murdered at brutal whims aimed at keeping the greater population malleable and content.

Now, they are fighting a war. They want to live in Shmisraeli territory. They fire rockets at Shmisrael. They kill women, children in tit-for-tat attacks. The war they are fighting is supported by all Barab-friendly governments, and Barab countries and allies must never trade with Shmisrael. They vehemently believe they are right, and they do not believe in Shmisrael’s current borders or their indeed their right to exist.

The Shmisraelis on the other hand, are a persecuted people. They have been the traditional custodians of the lands surrounding Booboosalum, ruling for hundreds of years. They’ve acquired the land around Booboosalum partly through immigration and partly through military force.

For them, Booboosalum is the land that God gave them. And it is their culture the fight for this land.

The people of Shmisrael are scared of the Barabs. There are countless stories of women and children brutally murdered by the Barabs in defenseless towns, that have never been used as a base to attack Barab land.

There is support for Shmisrael by various governments, but support is waning against a percieved brutality generally in a world that seems to have forgotten their predicament.

So, have you made your mind up?

Shmisralies are the Muslim Palestines, and Barabs are Jewish Israelies. A couple of details have been omitted, but if you think I’ve misrepresented something, check the facts – it’s your own preconception at work.

Preconception is dangerous. It skews facts, and bends truths. It makes aggressors look like defenders and tyrants look like statesmen.

Just like the preconception that Israel is Jewish land (rather than the chequered truth of a history of Jewish, Muslim and Catholic rule), and the Palestinians are the aggressors in the conflict.

The fact is that few people alive can remember when Modern Day Israel was Palestine, and predominantly a Muslim land. Few can remember that the reason that the entire Muslim world hates them is because they systemically persecute Muslims.

And that leads to preconceptions…

Opposition leader misleads public during attack on PM

Malcolm Turnbull has admitted there is no email linking Rudd to favourable treatment for car dealer John Grant..

So an opposition misled the parliament and the public to score cheap political points. And doesn’t care that it lied to us.

In other news, gravity pulls things to the ground.

Senator Hanson-Young: Leave the kids at home.

Senator Hanson-Young’s toddler was forcibly removed from parliament yesterday.

Apparently she was humiliated by the incident.

So she should be.

Leave the kids at home. I could’t imagine toddlers running amok during a BHP Billiton board meeting.

Why are there ‘calls’ to review parliament rules? What next, sleepovers in the PM’s office?

Any other professional is expected to separate their personal and professional lives, why do parents believe this doesn’t apply to them?

The business of running a country is not a sewing circle – give it the professionalism and decorum it deserves.

Election rigging in Iran: The boy who cried WOLF?

Is it just me or does nearly every election have claims of vote rigging.?

Sure, the Iranians are not exactly known for lassiez-faire governance, but there are countless examples of accusations:

- Bush 2000
- Bush 2004
- Obama 2008
- Kevin 07 (More mass hypnosis through boredom – and the fact most peopke thought they were voting for Tin Tin)
- Venezuela (Ever since the revolution)
- Malawi (2009)
- Ghana (2008)
- Italy (200 )
- Zimbabwe (2008)
- Haiti (2006)
- Mexico (2009)

The list goes on.

I can’t help but to think that they can’t all be rigged. And if that is the case, then a very vocal minority are squandering future political capital beating the cr.p out of a straw man.

Instead of protesting because you didn’t win, why not have deep reflection as too why you haven’t convinced enough people to vote.

Because when the votes really are rigged, no one outside your pitifzul country will care – just ask Zimbabwe.

Israel ready to grant Palestine Statehood

What, you thought he was serious?

Statehood without a military or foreign policy has another name. It’s called a protectorate….

Next you are going to tell me you believed Kim Jong-Il whenhe said he was binning the nukes…